In a social media world where people hardly post about the things they are going through, it’s hard to admit the life isn’t picture perfect, sometimes even to yourself. I wrote about going through quarter life crisis a few months ago and while I thought I’ve dealt with it, I sometimes feel uneasy and began to doubt myself again. I promised that I would never write about something this because I’m sure some of you might think that I’m being ungrateful and that I should count my blessings. However, I got a message from a reader a few days ago on self confidence and how to gain it. Her message reminded me all over again how hard it is to be a young person today where social media is trying to be part of every aspect of our lives. I have written an article on how to keep yourself sane and happy in this age in the past and yet sometimes I find myself on the other side of the table. It’s funny how I know what goes behind every perfect Instagram post yet here I am thinking that something’s lacking with me only because I don’t look like the girls I see online. I don’t think she’s going to be comfortable me publishing her name or IG handle here but this blogpost is for you.
Self confidence is something we’re not born with. It’s of those things that we don’t genetically get from past generations but something we develop overtime. Something we work on OURSELVES. Other people, a successful job, blessings you were born with or sometimes even money help but it’s a mindset that grows because of how we treat ourselves. As a toddler, I had so much of this, my mom would tell stories of me singing a whole song in front of a crowd in school at barely 4 years old. As a kid, I had more because I ran for student council, I would be always play lead in school plays, I was a cheer leader and even was one of the two first and last majorettes of our school band. Then I became a teenager and somehow from having so much of it, it suddenly decreased overtime. I think it started when I was transferred to a traditional catholic exclusive school where academics was a priority and after coming from an international school where extra curricular and sports are celebrated, it was a big change especially because I concentrated on that all my life. I knew I was an average student and AC standards for education made it hard for me to excel on anything. It didn’t help that I was kicked out of pep squad in AC after a year with no reason whatsoever at a time when Verniece was winning awards abroad for Ice Skating. We weren’t close back then so we never really celebrated each other achievements. That time for me in high school created a ripple effect and I realized it, after overcoming my biggest heartbreak, that the big factors why I chose the wrong boys for me was my lack of self confidence and self worth. But life is full of twists and turns and those bad choices led me to everything I have today – it was because of that, I learned to love myself, I became one of the lucky few where my sister became my bestfriend too and I got into blogging. While I’ve gained it after a few heartbreaks, self confidence is still an everyday battle for me. I’m sure it is for everybody.
I read that for a relationship between two people to work, you have to choose them everyday. I realized that the same goes with the relationship you have with yourself. When you look at yourself in the mirror, force your brain to see the great and amazing parts about you instead of thinking about the things you don’t like about yourself. Spoil yourself just as how you would spoil a significant other. Buy yourself the little things, whether it be Potato Corner BBQ flavoured fries at the end of a long day, a home serviced massage after being shouted at by your boss or even that pair of shoes you’ve been dying to have after working hard the whole month. Exercise not because you need to have abs like the girls you see on Instagram but because your future healthy self will thank you later. Leave a toxic relationship if that’s what your heart tells you. Drop friends that are only there when they need something. Stand up (nicely) to family who are hindering you from achieving your dreams. When making decisions in life, choose what will help YOU grow and happy. That’s how I believe you can gain self confidence. However, remember that it doesn’t last for long and you have to do it all over again, when that day comes, choose yourself.